I am suprised I actually remember my password to this place considering how often I’ll come here to write..I'd be even more surprised if anyone else came here to read(lol)....and of course grateful in my own little ungrateful way!
I wish now that I wrote more regularly, it might, just might clear my mind a bit. Now that I sit here, facing the screen, keyborad in front of me with the rare mug of coffee sitting on my table I seemed to have blanked out. All I can think of right now is that 23 square is 529!!.. And that's not such a bad thing to be thinking if you gave CAT just a week before!!
Let me get straight to the point, if it can be called that I feel that I'm being re-born. I feel like some very important part of me had a near death experience or was simply sleeping for a while. I didn't know myself. Days I would spend ...well that's just dramatzing it a bit..but yes a part of my brain would spend days wondering "who I am"..not in the spiritual-philosophical sense of the phrase rather in the more pragmatic.. who the fuck is this..is this me?? I don't even know this person I don't understand him, why he does what he does why he thinks and feels how he does. I guess I was growing up- ahh well all these r just theories...lets just say it feels gud to be back again! :)
I didn't enjoy being unsure of myself..questioning my own moves..the intrigues of the inner self r more than I can bear!
Confidence is more my thing..I like being this way and I hope I stay this way. whatever that "coma" was that I came out of- I hope I never go into it again!
I really do think however these were my years of growing up, of actually evolving as a person, of finalizing my principles, my tastes, my attitudes...each time I doubted myself and gave myself hell- it was just to create a template for the future to be sure that my choices in life were right to be certain that these were the choices that I would want to be identified with and this is the kind of person I want to become. I still have not become that person, far from it, nor indeed do I even know what that person is like- but I have a general sense of direction!
I shall always be my most ruthless critique and I won't enjoy it- but then that's part of the template I've chosen for myself. I wonder if this would make sense to anyone but me or someone who knows me very well. Oh, I love my mind's meanderings- sighh..actually I love anybody's mind's meanderings..I'm just having my late night chats about guitar, music, shael and of course what I want to be, so there's lots more where this came from but...well...my philosophical side and my super-practical side r forever in conflict and my super-practical side has had just about enough of this bull-shit! ..hope u not getting bored. :-)
I wish now that I wrote more regularly, it might, just might clear my mind a bit. Now that I sit here, facing the screen, keyborad in front of me with the rare mug of coffee sitting on my table I seemed to have blanked out. All I can think of right now is that 23 square is 529!!.. And that's not such a bad thing to be thinking if you gave CAT just a week before!!
Let me get straight to the point, if it can be called that I feel that I'm being re-born. I feel like some very important part of me had a near death experience or was simply sleeping for a while. I didn't know myself. Days I would spend ...well that's just dramatzing it a bit..but yes a part of my brain would spend days wondering "who I am"..not in the spiritual-philosophical sense of the phrase rather in the more pragmatic.. who the fuck is this..is this me?? I don't even know this person I don't understand him, why he does what he does why he thinks and feels how he does. I guess I was growing up- ahh well all these r just theories...lets just say it feels gud to be back again! :)
I didn't enjoy being unsure of myself..questioning my own moves..the intrigues of the inner self r more than I can bear!
Confidence is more my thing..I like being this way and I hope I stay this way. whatever that "coma" was that I came out of- I hope I never go into it again!
I really do think however these were my years of growing up, of actually evolving as a person, of finalizing my principles, my tastes, my attitudes...each time I doubted myself and gave myself hell- it was just to create a template for the future to be sure that my choices in life were right to be certain that these were the choices that I would want to be identified with and this is the kind of person I want to become. I still have not become that person, far from it, nor indeed do I even know what that person is like- but I have a general sense of direction!
I shall always be my most ruthless critique and I won't enjoy it- but then that's part of the template I've chosen for myself. I wonder if this would make sense to anyone but me or someone who knows me very well. Oh, I love my mind's meanderings- sighh..actually I love anybody's mind's meanderings..I'm just having my late night chats about guitar, music, shael and of course what I want to be, so there's lots more where this came from but...well...my philosophical side and my super-practical side r forever in conflict and my super-practical side has had just about enough of this bull-shit! ..hope u not getting bored. :-)
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